Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
