I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
