Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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