Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
