well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
