a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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