Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
