Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
