They should really pass out barf bags in church
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
