okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
