Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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