We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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