this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
