he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
