i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
