How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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