you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
