dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
