Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
