I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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