and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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