i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
