Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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