you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
