All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
