she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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