i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
