So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
