So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
