I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
