Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
