I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
