He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
