glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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