So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
