wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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