Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
