what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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