so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
