I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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