when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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