You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
