i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
