I feel great
I just peed on a car
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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