just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
