Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
