i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
