He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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