you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
