new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
