So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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