dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
