so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize