We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
