This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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