New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize