The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
