This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize