All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
