I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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