When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
