sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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