I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize