"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
