So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
