So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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