Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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