The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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